Day 160 thru 164: I Don't Know What To Do

 

Time for a new mission statement. My goal for 2025 was to lose 100 pounds by 12-31-25 but I've failed miserably. At some point I need to pick myself up and try. A realistic goal at this point is 50 pounds by 12-31-25, so that is where I will start. When will I start ? I don't know .. do I need a "starting point" ? I don't. Every day that I don't "start" just adds to my misery. I plan to just take each day as it comes and do what I can to move closer to where I want to be. Life has changed and I haven't been able to adapt just yet.

It's been a few days since I wrote and there is not much to talk about. I last wrote on Tuesday and Wednesday was rock & roll bingo day. It was just me, Kim and Joe as Rich and Barb are working on getting their camp site ready for the new trailer. Sounds like an excuse, but what do I know. Anyhow, we had fun though we didn't win. Thursday I gassed up the car and went to Wegman's. I needed all the stuff to make sloppy joe since I had ordered 12 jars of hamburger relish online. I gave 4 to Kim and I'll give 4 to Rich if he wants them. Anyhow, I picked up some produce to make salad along with what I needed for the sloppy joe. I also treated myself to a piece of their strawberry shortcake. I almost bought a whole cake, but forced myself to just buy one piece. I had a hamburger for dinner that night and it was so good ! I had bought a family size pack of hamburger as it was $1 less per pound that way. I was able to get 5 hamburgers in addition to what I needed to make a double batch of sloppy joe. Kim made sloppy joe on Thursday and said it was good ! I made a double batch on Friday and I've been eating it ever since. I will have it for dinner tonight and then freeze what is left since I'll be out of rolls and I don't have any bread. It came out so good and I may order another 12 jars of hamburger relish just to have it in the house. We'll see ! It cost nearly $90 for the 12 jars but there are no local stores that carry it. Saturday I spent the day on the couch watching YouTube and playing my online slots. I'm back down to 2 slots as I just didn't like Jackpot Friends. I had tried NG Slots again too but you can't win anything and I didn't care for the slots. Bottom line is that Dancing Drums and Jackpot World have spoiled me and I'm ok with that. I played some Cookie Jam yesterday and I still like the game !

Weather has been up and down. I ended up turning the heat back on Friday as it was chilly. I turned it off yesterday and it remains off. The week ahead has temps in the 70's and low 80's so I don't think I'll need any heat ! It's almost July after all ! It's 3:01 pm now and it's 72 and sunny. Perfect weather ! Friday I'm going to the Mets game with Rich & Barb and the forecast temp is in the 70's. I don't think I'll need my blanket but I'll bring a hoodie.

I haven't accomplished anything today but I'm going to try and get myself off the couch to shower and wash the dishes. It's Father's Day but that's not the reason I'm sitting on the couch all day. However, I do miss my mom and dad. I really hope there is an afterlife and they are together again. My mom never stopped missing dad and I think once she had her stroke she was just ready to go.

I want to try again tomorrow. I say that every day, but tomorrow never comes. I'm right back where I was in 2018. Hugely fat and uncomfortable. I know I'm killing myself with food and lack of exercise but it's hard to pull yourself out of the deep hole I'm in. Did I just write that ? Hell no, it is NOT hard. I just apparently don't want it enough and I'm not trying hard. That is it. Plain and simple.

So, here's the plan for tomorrow. I've set an alarm for 7 am Monday through Friday. I will shower when I get up, then get dressed after I feed the cats and have breakfast. I will get on the treadmill at 11 am and 4 pm. I don't have any sweets or other junk food in the house, so I will do my best to stick to the Nutrisystem plan.