Day 174 through 180: Still Trying !

 

Time for a new mission statement. My goal for 2025 was to lose 100 pounds by 12-31-25 but I've failed miserably. At some point I need to pick myself up and try. A realistic goal at this point is 50 pounds by 12-31-25, so that is where I will start. When will I start ? I don't know .. do I need a "starting point" ? I don't. Every day that I don't "start" just adds to my misery. I plan to just take each day as it comes and do what I can to move closer to where I want to be. Life has changed and I haven't been able to adapt just yet.

Not much to "catch up" on. Wednesday was rock & roll bingo. The categories were tough and I never came near to a win. We had fun and that's what it's all about. Thursday I went to Walmart because I was nearly out of cat food and needed a few other things. I stopped at McDonalds and got a double quarter pound meal, just to spite the morons calling for a McD boycott. It was delicious ! Friday I wasted most of the day BUT ... and this is a BIG BUT ... I got on the treadmill !!!!! It was "only" 15m15s, but that is better than zero ! Saturday and Sunday I pretty much did nothing but lounge on the couch watching tv and playing my slot games. So yes, no consistency. Yesterday I did the same thing - tv and slots - until about 4 pm when I finally pushed myself off the couch to go to Walmart. I was out of cat litter so I had no choice. When I got in the car I realized I was nearly at 1/4 tank of gas so I ended up going to Delta Sonic to fill the tank and then I went to Walmart in Central Square. I got 2 cases of litter, chip & dip (impulse buy), diet coke, hard boiled eggs, and 2 half gallons plus one pint of ice cream. When I left Walmart I went to the credit union to get money and then stopped at McDonald's before heading home. I got the chicken tender meal. Once I unloaded the car and fed Minnie I reheated my fries and tenders in the air fryer. The tenders were pretty good but yet again I am realizing I do not like McDonald's fries. They just have no taste. I am not going there again anytime soon.

Yesterday was all about impulses and if I want to have any success with losing weight I have to tamp those down. I am going to try my absolute hardest to limit myself to ONE scoop of ice cream per day until it is gone. The chip & dip was an out of the blue impulse. I don't even know why I wanted it, but I did. I'm just shooting myself in the foot at every turn. Just before 9 pm last night I realized it was June 30, which means my village tax & water payments are due today (tax) and tomorrow (water). My mortgage and insurance premiums will also be deducted from my checking account today. When I had this realization I had no idea how much money was in my account, so I panic wrote those checks and then logged in. Turned out I have enough money to cover all the bills for the first week of the month, but this little panic attack was a wakeup call. I'm falling back into putting my head in the sand in hopes my troubles will go away. Well, guess what ? They're NOT going to go away. I need to make some calls and see about finding a primary care doctor. I need to get that colonoscopy and a well woman exam with mammogram. I'm paying all this money for insurance and not using it. Then I need to get myself set back up with Aspen Dental and address my teeth issues. I also need to establish a diet and exercise routine and start sticking to it.

So today I was up shortly after 9 am even though I didn't go to sleep until around 3 am. Mama cat was at the back door today ! I haven't seen her in at least a week, so I suspect someone else is feeding her. She didn't eat the entire bowl of food, so she was obviously not starving. I haven't seen any of the males. They only show up when she is in heat. I had my breakfast, played a little slots and watched YouTube before getting dressed and going to drop off my water & tax payment. It always feels good to have these tasks done. Yes, I am worrying about money but with $65k in my savings I'm not going to starve anytime soon. My financial advisor is working on a plan to determine when I should tap into social security and/or my pension and IRA. The good thing is my house will be paid for in 2031 and my car should be paid for in 2027. My savings will easily carry me in to 2026, so I really need to try and tamp down the anxiety. Unemployment and my tax refund has paid my bills for most of 2025 but I'll have to start tapping into my savings in a couple weeks. That means I'll have to get back to monitoring my checking balance on a weekly basis so make sure I move enough money from savings to checking to keep the bills paid.

Last night I ate the pint of ice cream I had bought and today I scarfed down a bunch of chip & dip. When the dip is gone that will be the end of that craving. I did buy 2 bags of chips but I'm going to take the 2nd bag to the 4th of July party on Friday. I'll have to grab a fresh container of dip when I go to the store to buy elbows & celery for the macaroni salad I need to make. I might need mayo too, I'll have to check on that. With the single pint of ice cream out of the way, I will be working on portion control of the half gallon's of ice cream I bought.

I feel like disordered eating is part of my issue. I had pancakes for breakfast today and the next thing I ate was chip & dip. I didn't have the yogurt I'm supposed to with breakfast. I didn't have the protein shake that is my morning snack. I didn't have lunch and a salad. I didn't have an afternoon snack. It's sad when you wish you could become anorexic. I know I don't have an "eating disorder", but I am clearly dealing with disordered eating. 

It's 4:25 now and the plan is to finish watching the YouTube video that is currently playing, go to the bathroom, put on my shoes, hit the treadmill and then head upstairs and take an everything shower ! That means washing hair and shaving. I might want to wear shorts on Friday and that means not going with Sasquatch legs !